introduction.

«I cannot well repeat how there I entered,
So full was I of slumber at the moment
In which I had abandoned the true way.»

I grew up with fairytales. My mom would read or make up some for me every single night. Considering Dante’s Divine Comedy a fairytale may sound a bit weird, maybe even offensive, but that’s one of the first books my mom read me and it was my favorite “fairytale” at the only age of six.
I wanted to start this blog with a quote that has been representing me lately or, to be more precise, a quote that perfectly describes what’s been of my life in the last couple years. What happened, one would ask.
Nothing. Actually, there’s always something happening in everyone’s life otherwise we would all be living in a Broadway musical. But when it comes to me, nothing really traumatic happened. Yet, one day, my brain decided to go tac. From there, everything started being a little different. I would essentially do the same things as always: going to university, seeing my friends, doing a job I absoultely loved – yet, I was never really doing any of these things.
The brain is a splendid gear that encloses a tangle of almost one hundred billion neurons curled up and connected to each other through more than one hundred thousand billion synapses. I don’t even know how these synapses are made, if you ask me, but what I do know for sure!! is that my synapses at some point decided to collectively high five and leave me on read: they stopped working. Same thing that has just happened yet again while reading this whole sentence about synapses, a very hard one to elaborate.

How do you tell someone who’s never felt like this, how it feels like?

Suddenly, I’m feeling tired. I’ll take a break.

It’s been 13 hours since I said I’d take a break, kind of a long one I guess. Glad it was only 2 seconds for everyone reading this. It’s not that I was really tired, my brain was. It happens a lot. At some point it started whining, I swear, it said “stop doing things. Leave whatever you’re doing and do nothing.”
And so did I. I laid in bed for 5 hours straight. Not much doing but not much thinking either. Looking like a paperweight on my desk, not that I really ever got what’s its use apart from being an aesthetic knick-knack which, for the record, is not what I feel like when I lay down like a flounder on the sand. Not aesthetic at all. Just miserable.
After 13 hours spent thinking about nothing I feel like saying that my original intentions haven’t changed at all since the moment I started writing this.. thing.
I want this blog to be about my healing process, implying there will be one! I want to address how it feels like when a sudden blackout happens up there, in someone’s head.
Disclaimer: I am N O T a psychologist, that’s my mom, this is not a tour guide through the twists and turns of depression: on the right, short-term memory loss while on your left, not being able to make it. If I could be excommunicated for blasphemy towards Psychology I’m pretty sure this would be the right moment.

I will write everything that crosses my mind, like a diary. Don’t really pay attention to me. I’ll let my favorite writers and poets introduce every post I’ll write regarding those moments where the extreme lack of communication between me and my brain led to unplesant situations like shit (ooopsie) going down and the total loss of self confidence.

If you enjoy the misfortunes of others you might as well just follow my adventures, you’ll have a good laugh since I’ll try and be as lighter as I can.
If you’re way too empathetic do not empathize too much, I assure you at least 12 countries in this world are developed enough to know about my anxiety.
If you have the same problems as me, I hope we can grow together in the process.

And this is all my brain could elaborate for the first post ever, not bad for someone who didn’t do much thinking.